I wish there was a handbook when I became a parent 6 1/2 years ago.
Unfortunately, there is not. The babies don’t come out with an instruction manual (I guess guys wouldn’t read it anyway). There’s no Haynes repair manual to help when the diaper needs to be changed. And none of us are born with parenting skills.
There are, however, several great resources to help. The Bible, of course, is the source of all sources. Other books have been given to help guide parents and give advice during certain crisis situations. Most of these books focus on actions, such as discipline.
“Parenting the QBQ Way,” by John and Karen Miller, approaches parenting differently. It starts with attitude. No – not the child’s attitude. Your attitude. The key lies in taking personal accountability to your parenting responsibility.
QBQ, if you’re not familiar with it, stands for “The Question Behind the Question.” The premise is that if you ask better questions, you’ll get better answers. Usually, the questions we tend to ask are surface questions and do not address the root of the problem. Or rather, it doesn’t address what I can do. We tend to ask the wrong questions:
- “Why?” questions lead to victim thinking and complaining.
- “When?” questions lead to procrastination.
- “Who?” questions lead to blaming and accusing.
Instead, we should ask “what” and “how” questions that focus on what I can do – not on what someone could or should do. Of course, there is a place for the other questions, but they are not the first questions and they need to be asked with the right attitude.
Here are a couple of quotes from the book:
“If parents have problems with their teen, they likely had problems with their toddler.”
“QBQ is a tool that enables parents to practice personal accountability by making better choices in the moment.”
“…just as the QBQ helps us ask better questions, it guides us in making better choices.”
I have also left a review on Amazon, in case you’d like to read the review there as well.
If you don’t have this book yet, it is definitely worth getting.
Question: Are you trying to take personal accountability?